July 16, 2012

My Daughters, Derby Orphans

Quick!  Read this post before I go under again!  This Stay At Home Dad thing has me a bit out of sorts.

Up to this point, every time I've sat down to right a post, one of three things has happened.
1)  The girls have woken up screaming about how badly they wish me to make them a snack from food items that we don't have.

2) Their quiet play has made me suspicious and I have gone off to find that they have redecorated my front porch with handfuls of birdseed flung about in a manner that would put Jackson Pollack to shame.
We call this piece "Paternal Anuerism!"  It's an installation!

3)  I found a show of mild interest on Netflix or Hulu.

This past Friday was the premier bout for Westco Derby, the roller derby league that Sara joined and I am helping out with.  We were expecting about 200 people to be in attendance to watch how the ladies have progressed over six months of practicing.

It was closer to 700.  We had people in folding chairs, on the bleachers, and sitting on the floor to watch the girls race around and best each other in speed and blocking.  The event was even filmed and will be aired on a local cable channel!  At practice yesterday, we had nine new women who wanted to skate with us and two new men who wanted to ref.

When we began this thing in February, I wasn't sure where it was going to go, but I was very pleased that Sara was a part of it.  Since then, I've become involved as well, helping out wherever I can, manning the booth at the local arts festival, skating with the girls at practice and learning to become a referee.
My wife can kick your wife's butt!  Yes, that's a mohawk!

I adore the people who are involved in it and they seem to like me too, which I find bizarre.

Perhaps it's just my chronic low self-esteem talking, but I find it very odd that I now have a few circles of friends who genuinely like me for who I am.

The bottleneck of my involvement with the league has been, as it is with everything not related to children, children!  We've done what we can to get them involved too.

I am not losing sight of the fact that this is Sara's thing.  I am so proud of her for the progress that she has made in her skating and how much she loves it and the people.  For the most part, we are able to find sitters so that we can both go to practice, but when we can't, I take the kids.  It's much more important that she be there than I.  I recognize and accept that fact.  I don't want to change it and I certainly won't take it from her, no matter what.

But I'll admit that I don't like it.

I love skating, even though I'm about as graceful on wheels as you would imagine I would be.  I'm getting better, but I'm not anything close to good.

I love the group of people involved.  I they are a very positive and supportive group and I know it rubs off on me.  I know that after I've spent time with them, there is a little more sunshine in the world and colors seem a little more vivid.  Having this be something that I share with Sara has brought us closer together and made us stronger as a couple.

This is where I get into how crazy I actually am.

Intellectually, I know that I need to be happy with myself and accept me for who I am not be dependent on others for my happiness.  I'm not someone different when I'm with the derby people.  I'm just a version of myself that I like more.  It could be that, since I do like them so much, I'm on better behavior, not starting fights about religion or politics, and not making fun of anyone's lineage.  I don't feel like I'm putting in any effort to that effect, but it could be that I'm trying to impress them.

It could be that the positive vibes that they exude are so strong that I am much more willing to shrug off the things that I don't like, or would prefer not to think about.

Whatever it is, it's something I need to identify and hold onto with both hands because I need to push away my dark clouds.  No one can do it for me.

School starts again in a few weeks and I may be able to go back to more regular posts then.  As much I would love this blog to be a daily, or semi-weekly, I don't want it to simply be a chronicle of my daily life.

I do promise that I will soon write a more comprehensive post about being a Stay-At-Home-Dad.  This one went a bit off the rails on that front.
My excuses have bored her to sleep.



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