My Daughter, The Only Child

It has been a VERY long time since my last post and for that, faithful readers, I apologize. This has been a very busy last 4 weeks.

As I'm sure I mentioned before, I've been teaching calculus-based physics at Duquesne University and today in the final, which is why I'm posting this instead of teaching. As of this writing, I have heard no word as to employment in the fall and I'm only just slightly starting to get nervous. There have been very few job postings for math positions in the area, so I'm holding my breath.

My dad came out to visit us for 10 days, which was lots of fun. It's always good to actually see him in person rather than through the computer. Interestingly, I don't think we have any pictures of him and Harper. How did that happen?

Tomorrow starts my tenure as a stay-at-home dad. I am both excited and terrified. Sara does such an amazing job with Harper that I'm not sure if I'll be able to live up to my own expectations. I'm hoping to spend the down time either napping or boxing or doing yard work.

I'm also hoping to set up play-dates for her with some of the other babies that we know. Anyone want to have a play-date? No babies required, lack of van with tinted windows a must.

Harper's top teeth have FINALLY pushed through her gums, which is excellent. She spent the last two weeks with a terrible runny nose and has trouble sleeping. We found Teething Tablets which dissolve in her mouth and they work wonders. We can tell she's starting to get over it because she's been much more friendly and smiley lately.

WARNING: The following paragraphs may not contain coherence or cohesion!

On a much heavier note, I've been thinking a lot about our little family lately. Sara and I have talked about how many kids we want to have, decided that two is a great number. I'm not sure, however, that I'm going to be able to share my love any more than I already am.

I'm constantly surprised at how much I love my daughter. She has become the shining beacon in my life. Her existence has changed me in ways that I can't even begin to understand and I'm not sure I want to. Many people have made the comment that she has brought, and will continue to bring out the best in me. I would say she brings out the best in Sara, but Sara is so amazing to begin with, it's hard to tell.

I find it confusing that some of the times when I love her the most are when we're apart. This morning, I was in my office helping a student before the final and I looked over and the mini shrine that I have to my daughter. I was suddenly filled with such a sense of sadness at how much I missed her. Her smile, which surrounds the coffee mug that Sara bought for me for Father's Day, beams with light and joy that I can't describe.

In these times, when we're apart and I'm talking about her, or looking at her pictures, or writing a blog post that no one care about, I forget about the times that she wakes us up at 3 am (this morning) and doesn't want to go back to sleep, but only wants to crawl around on our bed, head-butting us as many times as she can in a minute. I forget about the depression I feel when I hold her and it's all she can do to crawl over me to reach for Sara. I forget about how frustrated I get when she doesn't want to eat, or sleep, or be held, or be changed, or be played with, but wants to cry about something anyway.

I only think about her smile. I think about how unbearably cute she is. I think about how smooth her skin is and how it feels to give her gentle kisses when she's not paying attention. I think about how she looks when she's pulled herself up onto the sofa or table or chair and looks around in joy to see who was watching her.

I know that you can't run out of love. I know that another child would be loved just as much, although differently, I'm sure. I know another child would be a wonderful adventure of a completely different sort.

I worry that if I gave this amount of love to three people, instead of just two, it might be too much for me and my heart might break.

I do not worry, however, that another child would steal the love and affection from cheesecake. (Cheesecake, if you're reading this, I love you! Call me! We'll do lunch!)

I do get frustrated and angry. Anyone who has ever met me, or even seen a picture of me, knows that I have a short temper. Luckily, there have only been two times when Sara took Harper because I was getting too frustrated and needed a breather. Twice in seven and a half months, I think, is good record.

Also, we still need to turn the attic into a third bedroom and second bathroom.

I wish I knew where/if I was going to be working in the fall...



Now what you really care about: pictures. There is also a great 5 minute video of Harper eating sweet potatoes, but I'm not at home. You can find it on my facebook page, as well as Sara's and my mom's.

I will post it on here when I get home if I remember.






**Post-post edit**

Google Analytics tells me that more than 30% of the people who visit this blog use Internet Explorer. Seriously? People still use that??

Also, we're getting hits from 8 countries on 3 continents, including Thailand (Hi, Jenn! I hope your research is going well!) and Australia (I assume you are friends of Heather. Welcome!)

Google Analytics is awesome!