December 14, 2009

Feelings that make you go hmmm...

It has been quite a while since I last posted, been a little busy since the last time.  I must say, since then so many things have changed.  I think the last time I posted I was still pregnant and living somewhere else.  I just checked and it was approximately 5 weeks ago.  I really had no idea what I was in for.
So, just to recap since then, November 18th I gave birth to a cute little girl.  The labor was interesting - you can take all the classes that you want and have birth plans and whatever you want before you even enter the stages of labor, but nothing really prepares you for actual labor.  Towards the end, days before Harper was born, Justin and I were going for walks and timing the contractions - trying to "start" something.  The tiny little contractions that I was having on our walks were definitely nothing to  write home about.  Once we actually started the contractions, whoa!!  Totally different.  I remember feeling anxious and slightly sick - the slightly sick was just because I knew that our lives were going to totally change and in a major way (and hoping that we were really prepared for it).  
So the reason I was induced was because I was getting dizzy and the doctor decided that the baby was probably getting too big and  pushing on things to make me dizzy.  Finally we had a date to look forward to.  In some ways that made me feel a lot better.  I knew when things were going to happen - it took away some of the anxiety.  At the same time that it took away the anxiety of knowing when baby would come - it brought about new anxiety about having to actually go through the process of birth.  I was scared.  You can decide at one point that it would be better if you just stayed pregnant and didn't really need to go through the process of pushing out a baby.  Mind you, don't think that I wasn't totally excited that I was going to find out what I was having and hold my little baby that Justin and I created together.  So I was excited and scared and anxious and happy and ready to be done with the whole process, all at once.
I know alot of people say that they really liked being pregnant or really didn't.  I don't see how you couldn't like it - you have a little person growing in you and you realize how amazing and how much you like it once they are gone from your body.  Despite what some people might think, you have made a connection with said little person.
Everyone who has had a child will say that all the pain and suffering will be gone the instant you hold your little baby in your arms.  That is probably the most true and accurate statement in all of history.  I remember most parts of the laboring, and all of the pushing and yet the instant the doctor said that it was a girl was awesome and then when I actually held this little messy body and saw what she looked like... there are no words.  I remember looking up at Justin and realizing that he was enthralled with Harper.  He reached out to finally touch our daughter and seemed almost afraid to.  The world seemed most real to us both at that point.  Finally he got to share this little person with me and I was so filled with love for the both of them - especially Justin because our love created this perfect little person.
And she really is perfect.  I keep taking pictures of her now and it is amazing that she has changed so much in 26 days.  I want to show her to everyone and at the same time I want to hog her and I do.
It is a lot of fun right now having her because she is so small and helpless.  There aren't too many things wrong and you can tell her all the thoughts that you have and she will keep them forever.  I am also excited for the future.  We (my little family and I) are going to have a lot of fun.  For now Harper and I are going to have fun being together each day.  I will also keep taking pictures.  I will let you know when and where they are posted.

1 comment:

dc5151 said...

Well, Sara & Justin,
I have enjoyed reading each and every blog....however I am a little concerned...nothing in 6 days!!! Wow! And I am sure that there has been lots going on in this last few days!! Ha! Like you have nothing better to do, right?? I will be more patient, I promise. Hope all is well! Aunt Deb

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